Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
