What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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