I wish I only lived at night.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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