Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't turn off my feet"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
