is wine microwaveable?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
