she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
And then he peed in my hair
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