We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
