I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
