ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
