I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
