this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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