you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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