Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
