Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
