It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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