its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
