Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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