how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
