I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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