Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize