This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
