is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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