Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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