He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
