Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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