My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
