He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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