I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
