**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
