your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
