I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do herpes really smell.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
