using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You made out with two different species that night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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