Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
