btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
