just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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