Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This is the high leading the old right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
