he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize