He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Found the puke drawer
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
