to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
