I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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