Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
