Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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