then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
