I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
