actually, I'm a sock model
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
