Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
