maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
