So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
