Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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