party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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