actually, I'm a sock model
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
