i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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