I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
