the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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