just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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