Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
