I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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