All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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