1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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