well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
