So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
