If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
