Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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