his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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