he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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