so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
even my farts smell like vagina
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
