I'm gonna have a badass scar
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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