dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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