I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
